[[TALK]] - With The Rain

It's rainy outside when I sit in front of laptop. Once I open my bed room door, I smell petrichor cast from the paths across my house. Kinda makes me comfort. I feel like it's just what or maybe God indeed hears all of my lamentations that I threw away just now. This midnight, I cried a lot. From the time I can't thinking of until I typing down this writing. All of sudden, my mind become randomly remembering every events in past that so painful to play again above my head. Like a black old classic vinyl which sing-sang some 80's recording.

What did I do? Definitely none but complaining every single stuff. Allah has gives several difficult times during my life. Fear, loss, agony, and... I don't know what it is called neither explain it with my way. I don't know how to spell. My insecurity strips me back, and that was made me really down. I'm sad of myself, put a disappointment towards people. My eyes swell and I can't force this sob for not jumping around. These things only an old habit that all person probably experienced together with the will of being pathetic. I mean, you know, latest I recognize some funny thoughts if human do glad with the line: "I'm the most suffering person in this world." Yeah. Unless me. But, sigh... I've done a promise with my self. I would not being so low again as long as I have memories of my best friend. That warm-acted girl who always occupies a tiny space in my heart forever. She taught me brutally about favor, and blaming own self ain't ones which included. I'd only, more and more, feeling useless and transform become useless literally.

The voice of rain drop slammed earth peacefully greetings both my ears. As my tears dried up, the sound slowly lagging, moves away, and finally disappear. So with the breeze. Whereas with my condition I need that vibes longer. Ah, just my selfishness. Now, the atmosphere just loaded by brattle.

Then... what? I wanna learn more about english since I want to be able to write a short-story in this language someday. And I also want to eat red fried rice. And sip a cup of hot green tea. Buy sweater. Cut my hair. Seeing the nice blue sky. Goofing around with my colleague. Set a new illustration and upload it on Instagram. Mm... just... a very very simple things. I almost spend three hours for only doing this writing. Hey, it shows that I should put hard efforts about the served sentences, right? So... I truly bad with english. I do really need study further apparently....

3:06 a.m. I still can't sleep. My fever doesn't wanna goes down. This life of my, will run, second by second, minute by minute, day by day... and I might to face another matters again which is probably bigger than now. Could I get through? Would I tired back like this? Perhaps of course. But I still believe that Allah will never leave me alone. I must keep unwavering faith inside my soul. I don't wanna regret anything like before....